All Saints please help

It's All Saints day, the day when we remember all the dead. I like to remember quite a few people: my grandmother and grandfather, my great grandmother which I can hardly remember. My grandfather was a special person. He was happy all the time, he was singing and enjoying every moment of life. I am very sorry that my husband didn't have the chance to meet him. The thing I remember most from his last months was- he just wanted to know my boyfriend, maybe so that he could be peaceful that I am taken care of. I love him and I miss him still. Months after his death I still could not believe he's dead, and was still hoping I will come home and he would be sitting in his beloved chair. One day we were standing around the grave on All Saints day and looking at our ancestors' names on the stone, soon my grandfather's name was on it. This year I have the same feeling about my father. He is very ill. I hope his name won't be on the stone too soon. :(
There are also people that I'm not related with, but had a big impact in my life. One of them was Damijan Kurent, a fellow citizen, an older man with big ears and a constant smile on his face. He never forgot to put that one on :) He was one of those people that is very important for his home village. He made a big impact by employing many people in his firm, writing songs and being very present in culture. But what I liked and noticed most was his charisma, his playfulness and the way he was so simple. He achieved much, but was never uptight. He was a great person.
Once I sat next to him in church. I and my friend were whispering and giggling. Then I looked at him, and he could hardly resist giggling too! I thought that was the sweetest and warmest feeling and memory I have of him. I saw him many times from the stage. I was usually hosting an event in our home of culture, and many times he would read something he wrote. He was so peaceful, happy, wonderful. I hope many people will still remember him for a long time, and that someone who knows him, will write a memoir about him. He influenced many and he thought me, how to live my life, be successful, peaceful, creative but still humble.
Another person that influenced me during his life was a psychiatrist dr. Andrej Marušič, who had a big impact on my professional career. He worked a lot and was a neverending student of life, just like me.
I must say that I had quite some loses in my life- loss of important people through death or ending of relationships. I think it's the hardest from going from a feeling you will spend all your life with a person to a part were this person isn't even a part of your life anymore. I am usually happy to see an ex boyfriend doing good in his life. I wish them all the best.
I also lost many pets. My last pet, a dog named Ron, was in our family for 13 years, and I get emotional thinking of it. But now I'm prepairing everything for a new pet to come in my home.

I found the easiest way to get over a loss is to know- all of those people will always be a part of your life, because they are in your heart. Remember that, when it gets the hardest.

Splash of autumn colour and energy :)

Autumn colours: sunkissed yellow, orange, brown... I love them, on my dress, on my walls. So I did some autumn shopping and got myself all those wonderful colours- and just started painting- now after one working halloween day- my living room is sunkissed yellow, hallway orange, and the bedroom will have a chocolate brown wall.
It was just a perfect sunny Halloween day, which left his sunny, colourful mark on my walls and in my soul. I looooove autumn! And for the cherry on the cream of this perfect day - my husband made a wonderful carved smiling pumpkin and placed it in front of our window- and the pumpkin protected us while we were watching halloween horror movies and close to midnight slipped under a soft cover and dived into a sweet dream. mmmm.....

Work anxiety

Everyone has a past. Many things, events in the past can lead to anxiety. It's there all the time, or at least most of the time. The worst thing is, that it is the most visible in your work, especially if otherwise you love to do, what you do.
I like my job. I love it. I was ment to counsel, work with children, parents..., but I have a big problem with procrastination.
If you look to Wikipedija it says:

"Procrastination is a behavior which is characterized by the deferment of
actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite procrastination as a
mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting
or completing any task or decision. [1]
Psychology researchers also have three criteria they use to categorize
procrastination. For a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be
counterproductive, needless, and delaying.[2]
For
an individual, procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of
personal productivity, the creation
of crisis and
disapproval from others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or
commitments. These combined feelings can promote further procrastination. While
it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem
when it impedes normal functioning. Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an
underlying psychological
disorder."

Hmmm, yes it's tough.
Getting up in the morning and worring about your job. I would just wish I was home again. I tried different ways of putting my anxiety to rest, but usually it helps only for a while.
To tell you the truth, I don't know what I'm so afraid of. I'm quite good at what I do. The problem is, it's very hard for me to do something new. Like I was afraid to step in a new direction. I do all the things I have to do at work, but I have this problem all my life- that I do things to quickly- a thing that takes my collegues a long time, I get it done fast, and than I feel I have no challenges any more, and I get depressed. I was a gifted child in almost anything I did: writing, drawing, dancing. I used to get very bored at school, and teachers gave me magasines to read during lessons, because they saw I was bored.
Maybe I need a new work challange. I guess after 6 years, I need a change.
Waw, writing blogs sure is helpful, to me- and I hope to someone else, too.
:)

Fears

Fears take over your life, like an addiction. The problem with fears is, that unlike any other addiction it is not so visible, but can have a big impact on your life. You cannnot live it to the fullest and you die empty inside.
Different persons have different degrees of fear. Some have a fear of spiders, snakes, mothers in law (just kidding :) or even success. Isn't that weird? We are somethimes more afraid of being successful than failing! Well, I know I'm one of these people. In my youth I was always bullied by my schoolmate for being better, for having better grades, for being ambitious. And eventhough I'm a big girl now, these feelings lead my actions, and many times I see myself wondering away from my goal, being stuck somewhere back and not giving it all I have.
But I wanna, I have to! So, this is the beginning. Stay tuned to see what becomes of me! ;)

Steady life

How annoying is that? You live your teen and twenty's like it's your last day on earth, than all of a sudden, you realize, that it might not be and you start to calm down. You start listening to your body, which is saying- you party to much, you rest to little, you eat all the wrong things...
You want your pulse to slow down, you like it like that... you see the world around you going with the same tempo as before, but you feel good. You finally found inner peace, which the world is afraid off. Yess, afraid of! And to tell you quite frankly- I'm a little bit scared of it too. The thing I wanted most- a stable, calm every day life- is here now. My fiancee tells me we are nesting. ;)
How cute is that? We had our fair share of hard-core partying and now we have our own peace, our own world in which everything is cozy. I have to admit, I'm not used to this kind of life, but I see now it's very important to achieve this before having children. Children need peace, comfort, steady life. I am preparing slowly and with ease for our wonderful wedding and beautifing our 2 bedroom home for children. I'm not pregnant yet, but we are planning a child after we get hitched, and I can't wait. People around me tell me I have a certain glow, like I was pregnant, maybe it's because I'm happy, calm, satisfied, finally. And I see my calmness has a big impact on my darling- he is slowly turning into the most soft, gentle, shining future husband, future father.
I CANNOT WAIT! :)

Engaged-my wish came true :)

My darling proposed marriage to me in february.
I always believed that you have to date a person for at least 2-3 years to get to know him enough to say- I want to be with you all my life, but now it's different, and I can understand people that get married before they even dated for 1 year.
It's like you have this feelin' inside that you can not avoid- it tells you you are in a right place, that you should just relax and enjoy the ride. It is not that easy though, because we've all been hurt in love before, but for me it is something I cannot and don't even want to fight against. Sometimes I can let go and just enjoy and believ that all this is real, sometimes I have doubts, like any normal person. The amasing thing is that when I let go and just enjoy myself, I have so much energy, but when I don't relax I feel tired and like fighting with the thread mills. It's something I cannot realy explain, but it is very beautiful and feels very comfortable.

So, he proposed and I said yes. It was a very touching moment, when you see that you are as comitted to one person, as he is too you. I too went down on my knees and we hugged and cried for 15 minutes. I saw he was different for the last couple of days, he was more in love and seemed so peaceful.

And now- in 3 months I will be a married lady! :) We almost finished the wedding planning and are just enjoying this last fewmonths before our wedding.
I am looking forward to all the personal growth we will have together, looking forward to starting a family, with a dog or a cat, all the ups and downs. Can't wait!

Sex and the city II

Last night me and my best women-friends went to Thai restaurant and had a cosy evening by the candle light. Talking of relationships, of course :) just so you guys know about what we women usually talk about. After all it still is mystery what happens when we come together. We like to talk about our intuition, our feelings, our men (and make rain, as we say:). But don't worry men- little secrets that we share are safely kept in our hearts and we still don't just tell everything to our best friends - right, women? Back me up here! ;)
Well to return to our subject- we are four women, struggling with our own problems and sharing them to make it a little easier to go through our everyday lives.
One couldn't make it to our last meeting - she could best be described as Charlotte according to IMDb plot summary of the real Sex and the city - a red-head, determined to score professionally and to be though in love too. Passionate, strong, always ready for a party, yet fragile, caring and a wonderful cook. Yeah, a lot of resemblance, here :) but if you look at other 3 of us- not so much. Yeah, we all like shopping (one much more, than the other 3- right? :) we are modern women, facing the world that has changed women and men roles - which leaves us confused about whether to approach men, or just wait (we talk a lot about that subject), to leave men's jobs to men or to just take care of everything ourselves... Tough, I know! I just hope that when I read this blog after 20 years, things will change in that area.
At first sight one of us is Carrie, and one of us is Samantha, but characteristically there's no resemblance- we are far too traditional, unfortunately. We are one guy at the time kind of women. Yes, men- there still is hope! :)
After AGAIN allowing my friends to have their fun talk about how they cannot wait for me to get married so that they could be my bride's maids (in PINK dresses - yes, that's the purpose of the picture above :)
We had sooo much fun and at the end of a nice long evening chat we all agreed, that it would be just wonderful and by far the most simple if the first guy we dated would be the one. Because it is far to much tiring and it leaves us with loads of emotional burden along with so much disappointment it is hard to enter fresh into a new relationship. And when you finally find the one you could really see yourself spending your life with - you are to tired to enjoy it fully. I think women from real Sex and the city would agree also!

There's a joke about that actually :))))) ----> A women comes to a building where it says "Find your husband". She goes into an elevator and arrives to the first floor. There she sees lots of good looking guys, but she wants more from a man and she goes to the second floor. There she finds man, that are good looking, are athletic, clean after them selves and cook. By now she knows, that every next floor is better and she still wants something more - and bingo- comes to the 3rd floor where there are handsome guys, sensitive, athletic, clean after them selves, cook and are ready to comitt. She likes what she sees, but than becomes curious, about what is in the 4th floor. She hardly inticipates what is waiting for her! And finally the top floor! The door open.... but there are no men on this floor! Only disappointed women - on the wall she reads: Here is the proof that women are never satisfied! :)
Well now I'm just spitting in our women bowl (it's a Slovenian saying), but there is a little truth in it, but it's also true for men! ;)
BeeeeeHave! ;))))))

Daydreaming

Daydreaming... thinking about what would be, but is not (yet) a reality... planning things that are not (yet) on the horizon... a way out of the everyday life...
Many times I drift away in need of a change, of leaving the stress behind. That's when I go to the internet and check out the daily gossip (sometimes the hourly gossip :). It helps me to sneak into the lives of others, their's ups and downs. Maybe that's the answer to the popularity of reality shows. Relationships are complicated, people are becoming more and more aware of the endless numerous of the possibilities and they are not satisfied with small things. We want more and that's way it's so hard to maintain a relationship or have a safe, predictable life.
We have become a society of voyeurs, observers. We are interested in lives of others. It is easier to see others make mistakes. It's easier to live through lives of others. We postpone tasks, we need a break from life.
But until we start really living and start focusing our energy into things we want to achieve- we are only daydreaming, when in reality we could already be at the point of living our dreams. :)

We all feel lonely sometimes...

Everyone knows that people in our society are drifting more and more apart, we are big individualists and have the feeling we cannot find a soulmate. Our lives seem to be pointless, empty. Even with many people around us, we sometimes feel alone. Why is that? I think it's the lack of the feeling of being connected. Connected to the world around us.
For us Christians the factor is also another dimension - maybe because for a glimpse of a second we realise how happy we were before we were born to this Earth- being one with our Father who is in heaven, feeling whole and connected with everyone and everything. Our soul is one with everything and God is all around us- we seem to forgett.
Especially the people that do not believe in anything beyond this life- might feel more lonely, and intimidated by the fact that they as everyone around them- are getting old and will die someday. It's hard to live, if you think you will not get reworded for your dids. But for us Christians it means - accomplishing our tasks here on Earth and returning to our Father and Mother and their endless love.
Eventhough if you don't believe in God- you should know, that all well comes around, as do all the bad things. But it is more important to feel connected. I think we can make it easier for ourselves if we live in a society that is very much connected- here is a privilage for people that live in suberbs, or villiages - or have a group of people that we feel we belong to. I try to be an active part of my society- I live in a suberb, go to church, organise and lead the activities for youth and children...
Eventhough- I sometimes feel lonely. I am in a happy relationship- eventhough- I sometimes feel lonely. If you are in a relationship just because you don't want to feel so alone all the time- you should start realising, that noone can make you happy if you don't start making yourself happy- starting with the small things. People that are lonely while single, will probably feel lonely in a relationship too, unless they do something about it. I have been there, and I was hanging on my partner, until I made the decesion to make myself happy- by doing small things that made me happy and set small goals. Now my life is much more full, my heart is rejoicing- and when I have moments of wickness- I try to do something good for myself- go running, go out to the sun, cook something healthy, go dancing, dress up nicely and go for a walk in the forrest... whatever makes your day- I trust you will have a great day today with a little spark of happiness from your devine soul!
And remember we are all the same and you are never alone! Reach out for someone that needs help and it will make you feel less alone- I guarantee! ;)

Unhappy about your wishes not coming true? Angels come to help.

Zapri Tvoja ocena je bila uspešno dodana.

Zapri Med ocenjevanjem je prišlo do napake.

I believe in angels since...forever - all my life. I had a warm experience with angels twice in my life- ok, now it's three times allready. First time was wen I was a little girl- I jumped down from high stairs and something (an angel's hand) cought me and gently put me down on the last stair so I did't get hurt. My late grandmother saw that, but was in shock after the event. The second time was during my depression- I have had problems with depression and negative thoughts from elementary school on and in my darkest moment while crying an angel leaned over me like a warm shadow and it gave me peace and comfort. It was amazing! Well I never really doubted in angel's existance, but to tell you the truth- I would't be too happy to acctually see him- it would frighten me!

The third experience was different. I was unhappy in love since my last serious relationship ended in 2005. I was praying a lot for my husband to enter my life and try to grow spiritually as much as I could in between. But nothing helped. I was ringing the wish bell in St. Maria's church and on top of a hill, for my wish to finally come true- since I have been praying for my husband since I was 11 years old. It was spring 2007, when I went to Egypt- and even made a wish there - by the wishing well near Sphinx- to have my future husband in my life by spring 2008.Then in winter 2007 I went to a seminar about angels and also felt a strong presance of angels when we manifested our individual wishes. You can only guess what mine was :) of course: I manifested I am in a serious relationship with my future husband by God's will by march 2008! (which was only 2 months and a half away!!!). But I strongly believed that I am ready and that the time is right. One woman told us her experience when her wish came true, but wasn't really ready- she said- BE PREPERED FOR YOUR WISHES TO COME TRUE! And I thought I was, but I acctually wasn't. Mine came true one week after that! And we started to date, but I refused him as I couldn't see him as right- I actually ended the relationship 3 times, not willing to accept him- but all the time there were signs he is the right one - he was even talking about marriage with me. Until march came. I was still blind, but one day he said in a calm voice- "It's march already," and looked at me meaningfully. It was a sign- That's when I knew.

It's true what they say- it's hard to live if your wishes don't come true, but somethimes it's even harder when they do! You must grow faster and be prepared - now it's for real and you have to give it all you've got- so be prepared for when your wishes come true! :)
And THANK YOU ANGELS THOUSAND TIMES!

P.s: The picture above is said to be of a real angel in the sky and you can read more about it at: http://www.angelsghosts.com/real_angel_in_sky_picture.html